Six years of my life, in a plastic tote

TheThesis

“A Profile of Ecstasy Abuse and the Social Implications of Ecstasy Use in America”

What does this phrase mean to you? Well, I can tell you what it means to me.  This phrase was on a fifty page document, with my name on it, with this phrase as the title.  This was the topic of my Master’s Thesis.  This was the end of my Master’s program, and the start of student loan repayment.  With a few years for a break in between, six years of my life dedicated to a Bachelor’s and Master’s Degree.  I finished my Master’s program, ten years ago, this month.

Angry Husband is currently re-organizing our garage for the bazillionth (yes, that it is a word I made up) time.  The man can’t remember to put the toilet seat down, yet he re-organizes our garage several times a year.  I am constantly tripping over tools, boxes, zip-ties, you name it, in our garage.  Yet, if a box or a tote that belongs to me, sits too long in one certain spot, my husband loses his mind.

He most recent gripe was this plastic tote.  He pulled it down from the top of the garage cabinets.  He said, “whatever is in the heavy tote, get rid of it.”  I knew what was in the tote.  I was not “getting rid of it.”  This tote was completely filled with notes and papers from my undergraduate and graduate school careers.  They were all related to my majors.  I’m pretty obsessive compulsive when it comes to school-type stuff.  I took very detailed notes, and highlighted all the right parts.  If my notes were too messy, I re-did them later at home.  I’m a complete freak about things like that.

I’ve kept this tote for a few reasons…some of them may be: it’s my stuff, you never know when you might want a good paper/discussion/profiling of the Columbine School Shooting Incident….and someday, a complete Plan C…D..or maybe even F..I might want to teach some of these topics in the college level.

While organizing the contents of this tote, I started reading some of my notes and papers.  I was a sharp cookie, or really I am a sharp cookie.  I believe that my thoughts, and opinions on things are still the same, and perhaps they have developed even more with some life experience.

But really, where am I going with all of this rambling? I feel that I have lost some of my brain sometimes, or maybe people think that I have lost some of the brain.  I have been in my career field for thirteen years, a mother for five years, and a blogger for three plus years…  I am “running” with a completely different crowd now than I was ten years ago, really two years ago, and that is ok.  I like to “run” or “hang” with like-minded people.  But I am not stupid.  I am not ditzy.  I have a brain.

I guess I’m just getting tired of being treated like I’m an idiot.  This applies to every facet in my life, whether it be family, work, blogging, friends, you name it…  Angry Husband gets pissed at me all the time, because I never say anything.  I lay low.  I hide in the shadows.  I let a ton of stuff just roll off my shoulders…and then I vent.  I want to apologize to my crew, the people who listen to my rants.  Because I have been ranting, a lot lately.  Because although I may not say it, blog it, or tweet it…I read and listen.  I wonder why I have so many anxiety issues?

and yea, Angry Husband, that tote is going back up in the rafters, until I need it.

P.S.  I may use stupid words like umm yea, awesome, rad, etc..in my blog posts.  I can write properly.  I am just lazy. And yes, my Thesis was on Ecstasy…that is quite rad!

16 comments
Rias
Rias

Your thesis sounds awesome to me. : )

Hanneke Nelson
Hanneke Nelson

Correction: "even if it is NOT utilizeD to its full potential sometimes." I think I just proved my point here...

Hanneke Nelson
Hanneke Nelson

I have a tote like that too! Unlike yours it contains my unfinished thesis. Alas. But every once in a while I too, read my own words again and am quite impressed by my writing and reasoning skills. It's nice to realize you have a brain even if it is utilizes to its full potential sometimes.

Making It Work Mom
Making It Work Mom

I totally have a tote too. In the garage and my hubby is constantly trying to get rid of it. Even though he insists on hanging on to all his highschool track tropies. Seriously! I recently had an experience at work. Working with my boss we gave a training session to our corporate staff. My boss was very upset at the way the material was being received and was getting upset and not communicating very effectively. I was fine and was able to hit all the points in your presentation and explain away any confusion. Afterwards our HR VP comes up to me and says "wow I was very impressed by you". I didn't know whether to be insulted or complimented. I feel like I am an intelligent and articulate person everyday or at least I am trying to be. Obviously that persona is being hidden behind the roll with the punches, avoid drama, put in the hours until I go home to my family persona. It really made me think.

Carabee
Carabee

In person and on your blog you are intelligent and engaging. Being a mother doesn't change that, in fact, I would say it adds to it. Just because we're not working our brains in the same way we did in college doesn't mean we're not smart. Keep on keepin' on, sister.

Mama Mary
Mama Mary

My brain is gone too. Might be the babies. Might also be related to your thesis topic. All I know is that I'm pretty sure I know DJ Lance from a rave in the 90's. Let's discuss over wine some night.

Karen
Karen

What a first post to read on my first visit to your online home. I hear ya! I often miss school, but I think some of that is the regular intellectual stimulation that was provided for me to engage in. Now, I have to seek it out and someone to engage in it with. And I'm oh so overly unthrilled with the assumption that I'm "just a housewife" because I'm home with my kidlets. Everyone has different circumstances and every family has different needs at different times and right now, this is where I am most needed. But, I didn't turn my brain in at the door. Yes, keep that tub...forever!!! Okay, so I have a hard time parting with things, but even if I get over that, I will not hand over my college research, papers, and notes. No way, no how. We all worked hard on those. And I'm not giving up an apendage or a kidlet, which is what it would be like to give up that work, those thoughts, study & conclusions. So glad I hopped from Tiffany, @SITSGirls, to your twitter profile to your blog! :>

Natalie
Natalie

I started my master's degree, but never finished. It's on my bucket list to finish. But I know what you mean - now that I'm a SAHM, I think people just assume that I never had a life before kids: a career, an education, a life of my own. And of course, I'm blond, so that's a strike against me, too!

Megan
Megan

holy crap! I didnt realize I just wrote a dissertation for you... lol. oops!

Megan
Megan

Angry Hubby shouldnt be mad/frustrated/irritated about you laying low and not getting all wound up about things. The things you see and process at work tend to force you to do that. And as hard as you may try- you cant flip a switch when you clock out and head home and become all emotional about stuff. Its just who you are. Who you have become over these thirteen years. And its ok. I certainly get all up in arms about something I read or see regarding my husbands line of work. The sheer stupidity of people amazes me on a daily basis. But I have learned to be a little more like him- and not let it get to me. There will always be "haters" and there will always be stupid people. Like minded friends are really important. Ones who get the weird hours. Who dont think its weird to talk about PC and VC violations and that your (my) husband carries EVERY. WHERE. HE. GOES. And on another level- people who get the draw of blogging. Who get the expanse of network you have created and continue to let blossom. Its important to have friends who GET YOU. And because you have chosen the right friends- they allow you to vent and they understand why you need to, even if they dont get exactly what your saying. I dont know exactly where Im going with this... just that you arent stupid. or ditzy. and despite the fact that you write in "blog-ese" rather than properly on here, I think its clear you have a good head on your shoulders. and anxiety issues? who wouldnt in your shoes???? Keep your box. Retirement isnt THAT far. You will be far from old at that point- and teaching may be a very viable option. And besides that- keep it cause you want to.

Mikalisa
Mikalisa

lol. Fun-nay! I have my college papers/notes in a bin too! Haven't looked at it lately, but I refuse to let it go! Totally understand!:) Maybe it's a reminder of our youth? lol. Oh! I never thought u were not intelligent. Who said that?? U r hilarious...never let anyone tell u differently! We've done our time in school...Now, we can write anyway we please. Unless, it's for work!;)

Kelly
Kelly

I've always found your posts to be intelligent and well-written. Using silly words like bazillionth doesn't mean anything. At least you know it isn't a real word... haha Rant away!!

Tractor Mom
Tractor Mom

I've got to start my Master's sometime soon. I was planning to start it two years ago but this new baby came along and oh, well, it didn't happen! I keep all my school stuff too! I think that you work on it so hard that you just can't give it up that quickly and you never know when you might need it again! Come by when Angry Hubby gets the tote put up....

Tiffany {SITS Girls}
Tiffany {SITS Girls}

I so get this post. I feel like sometimes people think your brain comes right of you with a baby. In a way it does. The brain power required to raise a child is well, daunting. It takes everything we have saving their lives, feeding them organic, non-processed foods, obsessing over their pasts, presents and futures. Making sure they look good on class picture day. I, too, have a box like that. Its got 40 page papers on the Holocaust, The Urbanization of the American City and the French Revolution. There are bluebooks filled with thoughts and ideas about Plato, Socrates and Thomas Jefferson. Sometimes I miss the days of sitting in the library for hours lost in research. But then, my son hits a home run {like he did tonight!} or tell me, "Mom you get me." and I am thrilled to be exactly where I am. Plus, I know plenty of mama's who stayed all sharp and academic. I'm just not one of them....

Tina
Tina

Seriously?? Ummmm....like wow, dude. I believe that the problem most often is that ppl don't take Mama's seriously. I mean you have your degree & that's awesome, I really respect that. The time & effort is phenomenal. I don't have my degree, barely finished HS. But we can relate, we know how much brain power takin care of our kiddos & hubbies really takes, blogging & all the other stuff too. It's work!! And NO!! You're not an idiot, I'm not an idiot, & none of us here are idiots. We are amazing women who can leap tall buildings in a single bound, while wiping noses, balancing the checkbook, & blogging about super awesome stuff!!

Angry Julie
Angry Julie

Thanks sooo much!!! I love people who tell it like it is!